I Couldn’t Love You More

Evelyn and Olivia will be a year old on October 4th. And while I miss the teeny tiny age, I love the changes and growth I am seeing. Every day they seem more and more like little people. Today Olivia practiced walking back and forth between Jill and I while holding onto our hands. Her face was beaming the entire time. She was so proud of herself. I think they will both be walking within the next few weeks and then, holy hell, they are going to win the battle. They aren’t even walking yet and it isn’t safe to put a drink down.. anywhere. And now that they’ve figured out we have food in our hands if we have a plate, there is no stopping them. Olivia almost ended up with an entire bowl of mac and cheese on her head today because she was trying to pull it out of my hands. I wasn’t sharing fast enough. My apologies, little lady.

As I watched Olivia practice standing with Jill, I couldn’t stop myself from crying. Getting these girls here was not an easy journey, by any stretch of the imagination. I remember barely being able to keep it together in first trimester because I was so nervous about losing one of them. If it is true that you can pass your anxiety on while your babies are in utero.. poor little things are going to be screwed.

Then they got here and it took all of me (and all of several others..) just to keep them fed and clothed. I feel like in the past several months I have slowly been inching towards really being able to enjoy Evie and Liv without stress or anxiety, but that has really leapt forward in the past week or so. When I get home from work I sit on the floor and we play. We practice standing or we play peekaboo or I spin them around upside-down (they are daredevils). Today I should have worked on lesson planning and grading, but instead we played.

They love the swings, their kiddie pool, stroller rides, and being tickled. We bought them two swings for their birthday (shh.. don’t tell them). I cannot wait to have them swing in the backyard. Last time we took them to the swings at the park I though Evie was going to break her face from smiling so much.

I’ve always hated when parents say, ooh, I love my baby so much, she’s perfect. Because, really? Really? Now I get it. I love them. They are perfect. No, they don’t sleep through the night. And yes, Olivia threw up on my face the other day. And yes, Evie steals toys with no regrets and is going to have to learn a hard lesson in sharing very soon. But they are perfect little people that Rob and I made. And while there is a huge part of me that wants them to stay small, there is another part of me that loves them more with every passing day and with each milestone they hurtle over. The more they become little people the more I fall in love.



IMG_8927Olivia | Evelyn


Evelyn & Olivia, 10 and 11

I failed epically and just never wrote about month 10. It turns out, just when I thought my life couldn’t get more hectic.. it could!

I am a teacher. I teach 11th grade US History and AP US History, APUSH for those in the know. I am a first year teacher with twin babies. I wish people wouldn’t look at me like I’m insane when I say that. Some days, I am barely staying afloat. Some days, I am kicking ass and taking names. Today has been more of the former than the latter. All of the printers were down at work and I was supposed to give a quiz to my APUSH kids. womp womp. I love teaching. I love my school. The kids are amazing. The other teachers are so supportive. I love it. Gaaaahhhh.

Evie and Liv are just fucking awesome. I mean, they don’t sleep through the night, but I have pretty much given up on that. In every other way they are beautiful, perfect, little people. They are little grinning maniacs that I love fiercely.

Liv has spent the last 6 weeks or so being “the quiet” one. Then in the last couple days she went insane and started yelling all. the. time. And swinging her arms very enthusiastically. Yesterday she swung her arm into her sister’s eye. Good job, Liv. On the other hand, Evie crawls so enthusiastically that she managed to tear off one of her toenails.

Evie is a toy stealer. At first, she didn’t act aware that she was doing it, but now she steals her sister’s toys and then mocks her. Cool Evie, cool. Olivia used to just roll with it, but now she is realizing she can steal back. Get that toy, Liv! I foresee a lot of lessons on sharing. Evie also likes to grin with a little scrunchy nose. She looks like a jack o’ lantern.

For the most part, the girls are only minimally aware of each other. They don’t have a secret “twin” language and they don’t play with each other very regularly. Every once and awhile I catch them laughing at each other. I am happy that it seems to be happening more in just the last couple week. I was starting to worry. These will be our only children, I would prefer they like each other.

For the past several weeks we have been doing baby swim lessons. The girls love water and splashing and kicking. We really only decided to do swim as a way to encourage water safety, but seeing how much fun they are having has been so rewarding. We did have one scare where Evie threw up a major amount of water, but it turned out to just be a fluke, weirdo, Evie thing. The evening in the hospital was a barrel of laughs. Other than that teeny thing.. it’s been a blast.

I am off to hyperventilate about inputting grades and planning my first and last First Birthday Party. You really only get one change to get that right…


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Favorites - 4 of 18We don’t feed them ice cream regularly. Please don’t send me hate mail. 

Favorites - 5 of 18Liv | Evie 

Favorites - 6 of 18Liv

Favorites - 7 of 18Evie

Favorites - 8 of 18Liv

Favorites - 9 of 18Evie and Daddy

Favorites - 10 of 18Evie, not tired at all. 

Favorites - 11 of 18Evie, very sad to be at the hospital. 

Favorites - 12 of 18Evie

Favorites - 13 of 18Liv | Evie
Favorites - 14 of 18Evie | Liv

Favorites - 15 of 18Livvy with a cucumber roll. 

Favorites - 16 of 18Evie, with what was once a cucumber roll. 

Favorites - 17 of 18Evie | Liv

Favorites - 18 of 18Liv

IMG_7438Liv | Evie

Evelyn & Olivia, Nine Months

There are teeth! We have teeth! Three teeth total. Evelyn has two and Olivia has one. They both look like little crazy pirates and I love it. I do not love teething. Rob loves it even less. Rob takes Evie overnight and her response to teething is OMG I AM DYYYYIIING. Liv is a little more mellow and she is mine overnight. If this is how Eve responds to a front tooth I am very nervous for molars.

Evie and Liv both have crawling down and are little speed demons. We’ve put in a baby gate, but if we leave it open the cat food is definitely not safe. The best thing ever is waking up to Olivia standing in her crib, staring at me with wonder. What are you doing, mama?? Kid, I am trying to sleep. You should too. Then she realizes I am awake and splits into this little crazy grin. My crazy little pirate.

You know when you have an amazing day, trip, week, whatever? You stop yourself and think, this is amazing. This is my life. I stop myself multiple times a day. This, right now, is it for me. This life with these girls… I can’t even. Right now Evie is learning to bounce up and down and shrieking like a maniac in my mom’s lap. Rob is feeding Liv yogurt. This is my life.

I spent the last month just outside Phoenix, getting my ass kicked. Training with Teach for America to be a teacher is one of the hardest things I have ever done. And I have twins. And went to law school. But I made it. I taught reading to 20 fourth graders and am a better person for it (more on TFA to come..).

Yet, life didn’t stop while I was gone.  Evie and Liv continued to grow in leaps and bounds. Crawling, sitting, growing teeth, learning to pull up on everything. I came home halfway through training to find out they had learned how to raise their arms in the air when they wanted to be picked up. They learned to crawl into laps and give hugs and kisses.

And then I died. 

I know they say it takes a village, but sometimes, with Evie and Liv, it feels like it takes an army. Between my parents, Rob, Aunt Jilli, Uncle Batman, and a kick ass daycare, we made it through the month of June. The girls are happy and thriving and I am so excited to see what is next for them.

What is next for us. 

Favorites - 1 of 22When Evie attacks.

Favorites - 2 of 22Evie | Liv

Favorites - 3 of 22Uncle Batman

Favorites - 4 of 22This is not my child. Celery is the worst thing ever.

Favorites - 5 of 22What? No.

Favorites - 6 of 22Livvy snuggles.

Favorites - 7 of 22This crawling on me, on anyone, is new. I love it.

Favorites - 8 of 22Livvy, 4th of July ready.

Favorites - 9 of 22Evie | Liv

Favorites - 10 of 22Grandpa’s birthday!

Favorites - 11 of 22Liv | Evie

Favorites - 12 of 22Olivia.. all eyes.

Favorites - 13 of 22Babies’ first swimming lessons!

Favorites - 14 of 22Olivia | Evelyn

Favorites - 15 of 22Olivia | Evelyn

Favorites - 16 of 22Olivia | Evelyn 

Favorites - 17 of 22Indoor playground! Best thing ever.

Favorites - 18 of 22Evie | Liv

Favorites - 19 of 22Evie

Favorites - 20 of 22Olivia | Evelyn

Favorites - 21 of 22Olivia

Favorites - 22 of 22Olivia | Evelyn

Evelyn & Olivia, Eight Months.. ish

Evelyn and Olivia are actually eight months, two weeks. Mom fail. I have now been in Phoenix for just under two weeks though, so I have been a bit preoccupied…

Eight months and we are mobile! Army crawling and scooting all over the place. Evie has been sitting for quite awhile and Olivia has just recently joined her. Seeing them sit on their own is kind of a surreal experience, especially when I walk into the bedroom and see them just sitting there in their cribs like, oh hey, what’s up?

No check up this month so I really only have a guesstimate on their weight, I am thinking they are somewhere between 17 and 18 pounds, with plenty of healthy baby rolls. They continue to grow hair, which I appreciate. Let’s not be bald until two girls, please and thank you.

What we don’t have any of is teeth! Where are your teeth ladies?! You can’t enjoy nachos if you don’t grow any teeth. I’m just saying. I am not actually worried about the lack of teeth… yet. I am assuming they will arrive when they are good and ready. I am just surprised that we are inching towards nine months with still no teeth.

No sleeping through the night either. Thanks girls, love it.

Babbling has also started in earnest. And.. what I have been waiting for.. fighting. We are fighting over toys! Finally, they realized they are sisters! We have plenty of toys, but the rattle in Olivia’s hand looks super awesome to Evelyn, and vice versa. It is currently adorable; I will keep you posted as to when it starts getting annoying. We have entered into such a fun age where their personalities are growing and emerging.

About nine months ago I was super worried they would be born and I would confuse them and everything would go to hell. Well, as a seasoned twin mom, I am glad to say that has never happened. I can tell who they are by the shape of their heads and the tone of their cries. I can tell by their eyes and their cheeks and their smiles. I can tell because Olivia is a yeller and Evie is more a whiner. I can tell because I know them. So, soon to be twin moms out there, don’t worry. You will know.

And now.. Evie and Liv, eight months.. ish.

Favorites - 1 of 16This was the first time Evie got to sit in the cart without her carseat. She was so proud.

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Evie and Liv with Nana.

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Evie with Daddy.

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Evie | Liv

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So proud!

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Olivia with pot roast, beets, pomegranates, etc. She looks like a little murderer.

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Livvy helping with laundry.

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Livvy | Evie

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Livvy | Evie

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EvieFavorites - 15 of 16Evie

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Evie | Liv


Teach for America, Story of Self

One of my assignments for Teach for America is to write my “Story of Self.” This is a story about my educational trajectory. What happened in my education to make me who I am. What happened in my history to make me committed to TFA’s cause of educational equity. Well after a few failed attempts, I’ve got it down…

“I’m not paying for college,” he said. I sat there, thinking I should be stunned, but I wasn’t. Of course my dad wasn’t going to help pay for me to go to school. It had always been that way. He fought battle after battle against my mother my entire childhood. Everything from child support to money for camp was a fight. And there was no reason. My dad was a person of means, plenty of means. He could send me to college easily, wherever I wanted to go. But he hated my mother and he loved to control me. I wanted to go, so of course I couldn’t. He wanted me to go to community college and not “waste” my money at a four-year school. And though I shouldn’t have, I heard loud and clear, you’re not worth the investment.

There was only one school I wanted to go to. I grew up going to a summer camp that I adored. Most of the staff came from Christian colleges on the west coast. Whitworth, a small Presbyterian school in Spokane, Washington, had my heart. I wanted it more than anything. I had the grades to get in and then some. I worked hard in school. I was a yearbook editor, I took AP classes, I worked a part time job. I felt like I deserved this. I didn’t get into honors classes to go to community college.

I should have been crushed by my dad’s words, but I wasn’t. My entire life had been a battle of wills between my dad and I and it had created a stubborn streak a mile wide. I was willful, if not openly defiant. Even in school, if I disagreed with a teacher I had no qualms about voicing my opinion. I was a delight to have in class. My dad should have realized telling me I couldn’t go to the school of my dreams was the last thing he should have done.

What my dad failed to put together is that I had a very powerful ally in my back pocket: my mother. My mom backed my decisions big and small. If I had a disagreement with my teachers, youth minister, or my dad she had my back. My mom had always been my fierce advocate, defending my decisions and my abilities. She didn’t doubt me and for that reason I didn’t doubt myself.

I came home from my dad’s house after we’d had the college discussion. I remember sitting in my mom’s bathroom and talking about how we were going to pay for college. I was thinking about not going. My mom just said, we’ll make it work. She’d get a job, we’d take out a student loan, she and my step-dad would help any way they could. They didn’t have the means that my dad had, but they could help. My mom was always there for me to support me in whatever I wanted to do. And here she was again, making my college dreams possible.

I only applied to Whitworth. I sobbed uncontrollably when I got in. So did my mom. My mom flew to Whitworth with me that fall. We both bawled when she left and I started my college education. But my time at Whitworth was the best four years. It was everything I could have imagined and more. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without my time there.