Friday night I started having contractions. No surprise. I always have contractions. But instead of tapering off, these continued to mount until I had to admit it was time to do something about it. Rob called my OB and it was the on-call doctor. Cue lots of swearing on my part. Rob, being the lovely man he is, told the nurse that if I had to deal with the on-call doctor again I was likely to kill someone. (Side note: I have since met him and he is not a lovely person.) So they woke up my OB. I said no drugs to stop labor. I was done.
OB decided to check my cervix, give me fluids to see if that slowed labor, then check cervix again. It was looking like we might be having babies that night so Mom, Dad, and Rob all came with me to L&D. First cervix check I was 3 cm. Second, I was 5 cm. Holy crap. It was baby time. My OB was on his way and they started prepping me for a c-section. What? I just felt like.. is this really happening? For sure? OMG I AM NOT READY WHAT THE HELL DID I SIGN UP FOR.
Everyone was in the room, waiting, trying to remain calm.
Mom and Jilli actually helped me by showing me photos and videos of Ainsley and kittens with hedgehogs. I had become convinced that one of them wasn’t going to be okay. I was so nervous. Kittens and Ainsley pics helped.
The anesthesiologist came in and they took me away to the operating room. They sat me on the edge of the operating table and it was exactly like they show on TV. A nurse held my hands while the anesthesiologist did the spinal block. Needles don’t particularly bother me so I wasn’t scared, but I was so so nervous about this being it. No going back. Babies. I was squeezing my nurse’s hands while my back started feeling heavy and weird. They laid me on my back and spread me out like a starfish and all of a sudden I couldn’t feel or move my legs. I just lost it. It was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. I said, I am going to be sick.. And then I was. I just kept asking for Rob. I tried with everything I could to not think about my legs.
Then Rob was there. Hallelujah. I told the OR team that he was a fainter (he is, sorry love). So he was going to be at my head in a chair. But he was everything I needed. He held my hand and kept kissing my forehead through his mask.
My OB walked in and it was go time. I had a huge curtain in front of me and Rob so I couldn’t see what was going on, but it went surprisingly fast. Lots of tugging and pulling and then there was Baby A or, Evelyn, as she has been known to us for months. I could hear her making noise but she wasn’t screaming. She was taken to the corner of the room to be cleaned and measured while my OB started on Baby B. One minute later Baby B, Olivia, was born. She came out screaming. No worries about Olivia’s lungs. While they started cleaning me up Rob took pictures of both girls and cut the cords.
They brought both girls over to me but just to look. I didn’t get to touch them until much later. They took them off to the NICU with Rob while they finished up with me. I could see all of what they were doing to me in the reflection of a cabinet. Weirdly, seeing all of my insides bothered me way less than losing the use of my legs. I was then taken to recover for 2 hours with Rob. The rest of the morning is pretty blurry, to be honest. I was on drugs and exhausted. But the next thing I remember is getting to see the girls.
On Saturday morning, I finally got to see and hold both girls.
I was discharged today. I know a lot of NICU moms find it hard to leave the hospital while their babies are still there, but I was ready. I find it nearly impossible to sleep in a hospital bed. Yesterday I was trying to explain to Rob that I had bacon for breakfast and I couldn’t even pronounce bacon. I have already slept more today than I had all weekend.
We went back this evening to feed the girls…
Sooo. Life now. I wake up confused most of the time. Whether this is from the earth shattering change to my life or the Percocet, I am not entirely sure. My c-section incision kills like no other. I can barely stand without crying. I am tired and overwhelmed and not really sure what normal is going to be from this point forward. My milk hasn’t come in yet, which is normal but stressful. The girls latch like champs, but no milk yet. I pump every three hours. I am currently sitting here in a maternity skirt and a nursing bra. Apparently I need some after baby clothes.
My fears were right on the money when it comes to telling them apart. If they weren’t labelled I would be screwed. I am hoping that as they get older, and have their eyes open more often, it will get easier.
I am so in love with these new tiny people, I don’t even know what to do with myself. Rob and I sat in the NICU this evening, each feeding a baby. We were just looking at each other like.. how did we get this lucky?
More to come..