I Couldn’t Love You More

Evelyn and Olivia will be a year old on October 4th. And while I miss the teeny tiny age, I love the changes and growth I am seeing. Every day they seem more and more like little people. Today Olivia practiced walking back and forth between Jill and I while holding onto our hands. Her face was beaming the entire time. She was so proud of herself. I think they will both be walking within the next few weeks and then, holy hell,they are going to win the battle. They aren’t even walking yet and it isn’t safe to put a drink down.. anywhere. And now that they’ve figured out we have food in our hands if we have a plate, there is no stopping them. Olivia almost ended up with an entire bowl of mac and cheese on her head today because she was trying to pull it out of my hands. I wasn’t sharing fast enough. My apologies, little lady.

As I watched Olivia practice standing with Jill, I couldn’t stop myself from crying. Getting these girls here was not an easy journey, by any stretch of the imagination. I remember barely being able to keep it together in first trimester because I was so nervous about losing one of them. If it is true that you can pass your anxiety on while your babies are in utero.. poor little things are going to be screwed.

Then they got here and it took all of me (and all of several others..) just to keep them fed and clothed. I feel like in the past several months I have slowly been inching towards really being able to enjoy Evie and Liv without stress or anxiety, but that has really leapt forward in the past week or so. When I get home from work I sit on the floor and we play. We practice standing or we play peekaboo or I spin them around upside-down (they are daredevils). Today I should have worked on lesson planning and grading, but instead we played.

They love the swings, their kiddie pool, stroller rides, and being tickled. We bought them two swings for their birthday (shh.. don’t tell them). I cannot wait to have them swing in the backyard. Last time we took them to the swings at the park I though Evie was going to break her face from smiling so much.

I’ve always hated when parents say, ooh, I love my baby so much, she’s perfect. Because, really? Really? Now I get it. I love them. They are perfect. No, they don’t sleep through the night. And yes, Olivia threw up on my face the other day. And yes, Evie steals toys with no regrets and is going to have to learn a hard lesson in sharing very soon. But they are perfect little people that Rob and I made. And while there is a huge part of me that wants them to stay small, there is another part of me that loves them more with every passing day and with each milestone they hurtle over. The more they become little people the more I fall in love.



IMG_8927Olivia | Evelyn

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