I am embarrassed very easily. And it sticks with me. Forever. I can still tell you things that I was embarrassed by that happened when I was in fifth grade. And I still flush thinking about them. I don’t like people thinking I am an idiot, I don’t like stumbling in front of others. Call it pride, call it whatever you want, but it upsets me.
Well, this week I had a lesson in pride and embarrassment. I started my summer internship and I got kicked in the teeth and fell hard. Over and over again. I know that you all hate me being vague, but I have to leave it vague. I screwed up royally in front of a judge. And then in front of a superior. And then in front of a coworker. And then I crawled into a hole and died.
I have fixed each situation to the best of my ability every step of the way, but I still get pink thinking about them. I may have cried at work. Twice.
And, if anything, it is teaching me that I need to grow a thicker skin. To be quicker about dusting myself off in situations like this. I am an intern. This is supposed to be a learning experience. I need to take a deep breath when having my shortcomings handed down to me. I need to chant to myself this is a learning experience, this is a learning experience, this is a learning experience.
I am picking myself up off the mat and reminding myself that I can’t expect myself to get it right the first try – or even the third try. For now, I have to be okay with learning from my mistakes and moving forward. I am not expected to be awesome at it right out of the gate.
Anyone who says otherwise needs to fuck off.