An Ode

As any law student will tell you, finals time is tough.  You question yourself, your sanity, and your ability to continue.  This time around was no different for me, except I got some bad news right in the middle of my exams.  So, it was a little less fun than it usually is.  But, that is neither here nor there right now.  Right now, I am in thousands of miles away from Rob, pining away.

It is exceptionally easy for me to take Rob for granted, day in and day out.  He is there when I wake up and when I go to sleep, just getting through the day like I am.  It is even easier when I am in finals.  I am in survival mode.  Nothing matters but what comes next.  And next and next.  I don’t see  Rob for what he is.  The extraordinary person that is he is hidden by the minutiae of my every day.

He keeps me from sinking into the abyss.  I am tethered to him in a way that is inexplicable.  And here I am, apart from him for the first time in almost two years and I realize what I haven’t been noticing since November.  I have been a drone, waking up, getting it done, over and over.  And really, there is nothing to say, except that absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.  I truly hate when people say, “I married my best friend.”  Sorry for all of you out there that feel that way about your spouse, but Rob and I were never friends.  I told him right from the get go that I had no interest in being his friend.  I wanted something more from that from him.  All or nothing.  Thankfully, he came around to my way of thinking.  I have girl friends and best friends but I only have one Rob.  One husband.

We all bring baggage to the table.  For me, my anxiety is always behind the scenes, threatening to bubble over.  He is there, even keeled, keeping me steady.  Willing to wait for me to talk or willing to listen to me talk endlessly.  All I can hope is that I can provide him  with the same kind of steady reassurance that he provides me.

And I can always write him blog posts so he knows how much he is loved.

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