It is true, failure is a part of life. I am grateful that it hasn’t been a huge part of my life. By the grace of God and through working my ass off, I have been successful at a lot of things I have set my mind to. This was not one of those times. I failed the Bar. Yes, I did.
It has sunk in, even though last night was just a mess. I went to bed at 8:00 P.M. wearing a onesie with cats on it. But I did what I do. I freaked out for a bit and then made a plan. So I have a plan. I am going to do it again. But this is it. Even before Bar results I had decided that I don’t want to enter into law in the traditional sense. I would rather do something in the intersection of law and policy, which does not require Bar results.
But I am going to do it again, for me. I can’t allow myself to give up after one try. That’s just sad. So I am gearing myself up to do it again and to do it better. So far I have decided two things.
- I am not going to let myself look like a pathetic mess the whole time. I feel better about myself and my life when I have clean hair and eyeliner on. Maybe this is me letting the male half of the species win, but I am doing it.
- I am finding a therapist. I had an awesome therapist all through law school but she was employed by the school. I wasn’t allowed to see her as a graduate. So I went without during the Bar. Let’s just call this a poor life choice.
I am not saying that I am going into this without trepidation or the fear that history is going to repeat itself, but I have a plan dammit.
Image from Today is Going to Be Awesome by Nicole Lavelle