Alright, here goes.
The night before I went to my interview A, across the hall started her weird moaning again. She does it about every six weeks or so. Ok, imagine you have been sobbing to where your throat feels sore and you can’t take it anymore? That is the kind of moaning/sobbing she does. It is weird, she is mental. The first couple times it happened we didn’t say anything because, hey, it could have been the positive sort of moaning? Who knows really.
But last Wednesday night it turned into full blown screaming. Something had to be done. I didn’t want it on my head if we were listening to her kill herself and all we did was turn up the TV. So I called the cops (not 999 or 911, but the normal number) and explained what was going on. They said they would send someone out to do a welfare check on her. At this point I figured that would be… sometime within the next week? But no, ten minutes later I have three police officers at my door.
Rob and I went and hid in a friends flat, we really didn’t want A knowing we had called the cops on her, that would just start all sorts of trouble. So the cops went and knocked on her door, blah blah blah.
Then they came back down and told us she said she was fine, that she had just had, “a bit of bad news.” Okay, I don’t know about you, but I don’t scream at the top of my lungs and cry uncontrollably over “a bit of bad news.”
I moved to England to be with my husband. Grad school was a means to an end, I needed a visa, and grad school would give me one. Along the way, we came to understand that the visa that came with grad school just wouldn’t cut it. We got married. I now had a visa that worked for me, but the grad school thing was already in motion. I had already accepted a position at a prestigious school in London. I hadn’t really thought a lot about if I wanted to go to grad school. I knew I could handle it and that it would in some way further my career so it seemed silly to back out.
My MA is in Public Policy, emphasis on British and European policy with a bit of American and Australian thrown in for good measure. This isn’t what I wanted to study. Going into it I thought, “I like political science, I like studying government.” And that was really all the thought I put into it. How could I not like this?
What I didn’t realize when I was thinking these things was that what I meant was, “I like American political science, I like studying the US federal government and I like the Constitution.” It has taken me this long to come to understand why I am not enjoying my MA and why I don’t feel invested in my program. For one, as I said, it was a means to an end. For two, I don’t care about European politics. Really. I don’t. Some people do and bully for them, but it is not my cup of tea.
This has been difficult for me to come to a conclusion about because I feel like I am admitting I am wrong. It feels like I am finally fully coming to the realization of what I want to be and do and neither of them involves England. Trying to explain this to your English husband can be difficult. But Rob has known that I never wanted to settle here permanently. I am glad I was up front with him about this from the beginning.
I want to serve my country with the skills and abilities that I have. I want to fight for an America that I believe in. Whether it is in a classroom teaching a next generation of leaders or in a courtroom defending people’s rights, I haven’t decided. Perhaps both. Regardless, I am invested there. I believe that who I am should serve the country that I was born and raised in. I am not invested in the political future of England; I am invested in the political future of the United States.
This is hard for me to realize for so many reasons. It has become acceptable to be ashamed to be American. It has become popular and easy to put down America for its shortcomings, which we all know, there are a lot of. Well I think that is crap. Sorry to be blunt but, I think it is a sorry excuse for not wanting to put the energy and effort into making this country a better place. And really, that is all I would like to do.
What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility – a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task. This is the price and the promise of citizenship. – Barack Obama
BUT, I want to highlight two ‘vendors’ (if that is what you really call them) that I am using for the wedding.
First, we had ellothere, over at Etsy (of course) design our wedding invitations. Which, surprisingly enough, I never got around to sharing:
Now, I am not techy enough to blur out where we are having the wedding, so once again, please don’t stalk me. I pretty much know who reads this blog, but then again, you never know. Anyway, back to the point. Working with Jonathan was a wonderful experience, he was helpful and had great ideas. And great prices! The invitations are currently on their way.
Another Etsy find is Violet Delight. I don’t even remember how I found her, but I am in love. She is making my veil and probably my gifts for my maids and I could not be more pleased. My veil is going to be something like this, but a bit more tailored to my dress and my wedding colors.
Anyway, I have been chatting back and forth with Violet Delight and it has been such a lovely experience that I thought I would share my Etsy finds with you
PS . The images belong to him and her respectively.
PPS. Is it possible for your lungs to hurt? I think I need to cut down on my sugar and caffeine intake.
I promise to tell the calling the cops, wallet left on a bus, being called princess in public stories soon.