idle hands are the devil’s playthings

The title of this post is something Richard Gilmore says to Lorelai and Rory. Lorelai thinks five classes is too many for Rory to take as a freshman in college. Richard obviously disagrees.

And I cry because the idea of only having five classes to take and no other responsibilities sounds so beautiful.

I managed to update this little blog almost every month in the first year of Evie and Liv. And then.. and then..? I don’t.. what??

Well, I started my new job. I started grad school (again). I am part of Teach for America. I have twins that are 15 months old. So many people that come into my life ask me how do you do it? I smile graciously or give a funny remark or say yes, it is tough. Because, when people ask that kind of question, they really aren’t looking for you to collapse sobbing into their arms, saying, I don’t know.. I really don’t know. Or, so I am told.

Time has marched on. Multiple times this semester I have felt like I wasn’t going to make it, or I would have to give up and be teacher or mom, but not both. There have been times that the only way I have gotten through it is the knowledge that I have to. 

I haven’t blogged in a few months for this reason. A few months ago my principal commented that my hair always looks good, even though she knows I have very little time to do it. I replied that it was because I don’t get to shower very often so I have to learn a lot of ways to conceal dirty hair. She thought I meant I don’t get to wash my hair very often.

I didn’t.

I have been off for two weeks and I am finally getting to sit down and update my little corner of the internet. How I have missed you. I love writing, I have missed it so.

So.. I made through my first semester of teaching, alive! I had a few crises, but nothing that made me regret my decision to enter the field of education. I love my students to teeny tiny pieces. I’m definitely still working on things that all first year teachers face. One of the biggest challenges for me is working out how much access I allow my students. I am an oversharer (oh hey blog!) and I knew this would be a problem going in. I haven’t shared anything I regret, but I have let them encroach on my home life in a way I need to start to figure out limiting.

My students know I will email them back almost instantly. They know I will answer questions on the weekend. They know that if they forget the homework assignment that they can email me and I will respond. All of these, I am learning, are bad precedents. Bad, bad, bad. I have never had people that have wanted this kind of access to me, so I have never had to say, no, you don’t get my weekends, you don’t get my evenings. I mean, if I did that to my last boss I would have fired me in two seconds. So.. yeah. I am working on it. I don’t like unanswered emails though. Maybe I can set up a filter for super eager students..

I continue to love my job and learn the ropes and my coworkers and my bosses are just, wonderful people. When I think of all the people that work at my school, I always think of the Mr. Rogers quote… When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping. This quote is true of every single one of the people I work with. Without coworkers and bosses like this…

In late October I got the flu. Like, actual flu. Pushed out the door of urgent care with a note putting me off work for five days and a face mask, flu. I was terrified. I was going to have to miss four days of work in a brand new job. How does a person even do that? I texted two of my coworkers while I was still at urgent care. One of them got me substitutes for the entire week and the other one wrote lesson plans for the subs. For every day. What. the. hell. Maybe my last job was worse than I actually thought or maybe I am just not used to this kind of human kindness but sometimes I just can’t even comprehend. Then, when I finally spoke with my principal she encouraged me to take care of myself and not worry about work. And then I sobbed. This is my working environment.

I used to not cry at anything, but then I became a mom and now I cry when a kitten is on TV. Thanks motherhood.

Unfortunately this blog has gone on far too long for me to give you an update on Evelyn and Olivia and life outside of teaching, but I will leave you with these. Livvy on the left, Evie on the right.IMG_1894

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