me too

(this is a miscarriage post.  if that isn’t for you, spend some time here. i’ve watched it twice.)

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I had my D&C yesterday. A D&C is done if woman’s body isn’t naturally moving things along once the baby is no longer viable.  If you are super interested, this is a pretty good explanation. I had the choice of having a D&C or waiting it out to see if my body started the process on its own.  Rob and I spent a lot of time thinking and talking about our options, and I ultimately decided that it was the right choice for me.  If I waited for things to run their course I could be waiting up to six weeks.

Having the D&C felt like the first step toward closure.  I am no longer carrying the baby we lost.  I am a blank slate.

After posting on Monday and word slowly getting out about the miscarriage, I have to say that I am stunned.  I simply cannot believe the number of women that have come to me, in one way or another and said, me too. I had four different nurses yesterday, three of them told me about their losses.  I had an appointment with my regular doctor on Thursday about something completely unrelated. She said, me too.  I have had Facebook messages and texts and emails. All from women quietly providing their support by sharing their experiences, so similar to mine.

And all this has me thinking, why so secretive, ladies? But I know. I know that it is hard to share and that it is painful and emotional and nothing that anyone needs to know about.  But I am so grateful for the women that have shared with me. Hearing other women say me too has helped more than anything else.  It’s made me feel like this is normal. It’s made me feel like I am normal. If you are one of those women, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

The D&C itself was uneventful. I love my OB to teeny tiny pieces and did even before this happened.  I want to be his best friend and have a million babies just so I can hang out with him all the time and he can deliver all of my babies for me.  When he told me the baby didn’t have a heartbeat he said, on the plus side they’d gotten my blood work back and I was STD free! Hell yes.  He has a great sense of humor and an amazing bedside manner and I could go on but it would start to be weird. or weird..er.  He gave me all of my options, D&C and otherwise and because of him I am physically good.  He has also been a huge help on the emotional front, but I still have a long way to go.

He told me the statistics and the women that have contacted me have confirmed.  In my last post I wrote about being a statistic, but talking to other women has eased the pain in being another number. This is normal.  It may not be welcome, but it is normal. And what is more, it is normal to have a miscarriage and move on to have lots of healthy babies. Win, in my book.

So, for now, I will be leaning in to my family and to those women who have said, me too.

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