On Faith

When I met Rob I never hid the fact that I was a Christian.  We didn’t discuss it at length for several months for two reasons.  One, I was in a rocky place with my faith and didn’t really feel like sharing.  Two, I never wanted Rob to convert for me.  I never wanted his faith to be a byproduct of my faith.  Rob was raised quite secularly, in a manner that many American Christians find astonishing but is very normal in British culture.  He has come as a blank slate with regards to faith, with very few preconceived notions as to what it means to be a Christian.  He asks me about Christianity the same way he asks me about the legal system, coming from a background of little or no knowledge.  Knowing how he loves me, I held my tongue with regards to Christianity.  I never wanted his love for me to lead him to follow a faith he knew nothing about.

Because of this, I have been very hesitant to push anything faith based on him.  Faith is a funny thing, something that must be uniquely yours.  Part of me has the fear that if I was the one to bring him into “the fold” he would never feel as if the faith was truly his.  The other part of me feels that I am not adequate to answer all of his very well founded questions.  He has the mind of a scientist and I just don’t.  There are many things that I accept unquestioningly that really ought to have an adequate explanation, especially for someone new.  Our brains work differently.  My faith is what I would call more emotional, for lack of a better word.  I have a feeling, should Rob take steps in that direction, his would be more logical and thought out.  Because that is how he is.  I get immense gratification and support from Christian hymns and music.  Rob finds that part of the service dull.  He doesn’t really like singing all that much.  I don’t get it.  But then again, there are a lot of things about Rob I don’t get, which is just fine.  I never claimed to know everything about the man.

When I started Pepperdine, Rob and I started going to the Wednesday night worship service and we both went to a Bible Study weekly (one for guys, one for gals).  He was learning in leaps and bounds, but most of that learning was separate from me.  He attempted to discuss his Bible Study with me, but being knee deep in my first year of law school, I found it hard to listen with full attention.  I should have.

Now here we are.  It is summer.  He is still unsure of where he sits, it seems he is mainly on the fence.  I am still uncomfortable being the starting point for his faith, but I do want to be involved. So, we have started a new adventure together.  We are reading Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis as a starting point. From there, I am not sure where we will go.  Perhaps do a Bible Study together?  Or read another, maybe more contemporary, book? I am definitely open to suggestions.

I don’t know if I am doing this right, but I am doing it in a way that feels right and hoping it will all turn out in the end.

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