through the darkness slowly

(this is a miscarriage post with some graphic language and adult content. reader discretion is advised. if that is not for you, watch this!) I am not a slow pace person. I am not a patient person.  I am not a let things lie person.  And I never will be. I used to pray for patience.  For years.  And then finally, I came to the understanding that patience was just not something I was blessed with.  I would just try …

back in the trenches

photo I may have had a total wig out meltdown about two weeks ago and decided I wasn’t taking the Bar.  I talked to several friends and my family about it and all were “supportive.”  By supportive I mean, I could tell they didn’t agree with my decision but didn’t want to piss me off. Valid.  But, one of my lovely friends from college was not supportive. She was.. quiet.  She’s also one of the few that knows what this …

Marked

We found out that I was pregnant on Christmas Eve.  I found out that I lost the baby this morning. The statistics for miscarriage are depressingly high, especially this early on.  It doesn’t make it hurt any less.  I am in shock.  I had worked very hard to let myself be “okay” either way and not get attached until the 12 week mark. But I had bleeding at 6 weeks and got to see the heartbeat.  I convinced myself I …

Part of the Process

IMG_2332 All of the blogs and websites and guidance say that I need to give myself time to grieve.  Time to grieve the Bar I didn’t pass and be sad for what could have been.  The issue I am having is that I am not just grieving over the Bar, I am grieving over the life that I thought I wanted – or at least the life I thought I could be happy with. I have spent the past year …

The Anywhere But Here Girl

 

Failure

It is true, failure is a part of life. I am grateful that it hasn’t been a huge part of my life.  By the grace of God and through working my ass off, I have been successful at a lot of things I have set my mind to. This was not one of those times. I failed the Bar. Yes, I did. It has sunk in, even though last night was just a mess.  I went to bed at 8:00 …

The Power of Cats

IMG_5123 With my grandpa passing away this spring, it left my nana in a giant house with two aging poodles (read: should have gone to doggie heaven quite awhile ago).  Both the poodles got to the point where it was no longer humane to keep them with her.  Thus Nana now was really all alone in a big house. Except, this summer, a cat moved in under Nana’s shed.  She proceeded to have five kittens.  Nana fed the mama and …

Creature Fear

I hesitate to write about the specifics of my job here, or anywhere, because how many cautionary tales are there about people that wrote about their job or their coworkers on the internet and were the fired? Plenty.  However, I need to come out from hiding and just state this:  I hate my job with the fire of a thousand suns.  We are talking that deep seated hatred that makes you feel capable of all sorts of mayhem. At this …

Ain’t Nothing But A Family Thing

 Today my biological dad hung up on me.  He hung up on me after I pressed him about his drinking and driving. After I refused to gloss over the call I had received from the police Friday night, asking me if I would be willing to pick him up from jail. This has been a further step in his downward spiral that has taken a turn for the worse in the past six weeks.  The hell he has put me …

The Long Route To Purpose

Rob and I have been discussing, and sometimes arguing, about what we want life to look like now. All this time we have been working towards something. Seven years. I have been with Rob for seven years. How did that happen? When we started, we were (are) both young, both getting our careers going. And now here we are, both out of school. Both ready to get going. But it doesn’t feel that way. It feels like I am not …

Copyright © 2017 Witty Title Pending . All rights reserved.
Design by suv, In Collaboration with trucks,infiniti suv, toyota suv