secrets don’t make friends

Calabasas sky

This past week has been turbulent for me for reasons completely unrelated to law school. Reasons I can’t go into here and now for the sake of others. But, it has been brought to my attention that I have guarded something close to my chest for all the wrong reasons. I was worried. Worried what people would think or say. It turns out, I should have been more worried about what they would think or say not knowing.

I have seen a counselor on and off for years.

It started at six. I went for some time when I was fourteen. I went again in the beginning of college. I went regularly all four years. I didn’t go in England, due to my experience with English doctors, but you bet your ass I started going again the second my Pepperdine health insurance kicked in.

I have always been an anxious person. I was an anxious child. Just ask my mom how hard it was for me to give up on school projects that weren’t going exactly the way I wanted them to. On the flipside, it has made me a very driven person, What do you mean, I can’t get an A in AP English? Watch me.

Due to this anxious streak as wide as an oxcart, I have gone to counseling. Recently, as in when I started law school, I was put on anti-anxiety medication. For those of you not in the know, anti-anxiety medication and anti-depressants are the same thing. So yes, I am on anti-depressants, though I don’t tend to lean towards depression as much as I do towards anxiety. They are closely related. Being anxious all the time can make you pretty depressed, especially if you feel like you have no way of getting a handle on the anxiety and  managing it in a healthy way. Which I didn’t feel like I was. Ever since thisI have felt like I was fighting a losing battle against anxiety.

So, when it came time to go back to seeing a counselor regularly, I took a major step for me, and decided to ask about being on medication regularly. Surprisingly enough, my counselor also thought it might be a good idea. Now I see a counselor once a month and a psychiatrist once a month. This and the medication work. It works well for me. I feel…normal. I don’t feel super chipper all the time. That isn’t what the drugs do. I feel like I experience anxiety and stress the way a normal person does. I struggle and feel overwhelmed at times, but I no longer feel as if my anxiety is going to consume me.

Being able to say that is a big deal for me. BIG DEAL.

For your viewing pleasure, Stormy’s involvement in my Property reading. Note what he is sitting on:

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