I want out.
This masters degree is crushing my spirit and making me want to pull my hair out. I am 6000 words into my 12000 word dissertation. I feel like it is well written, with good structure. I also feel like it is going to come back from being proof read by my prof with a big fat F on it. Perhaps an F-, just because they are vindictive like that. And that’s it. Lost cause. I give up. I am not interested anymore! It is taking every inch of me to get this thing out, to churn out a paper of respectable quality and still, I am told, not good enough, you don’t meet the standards.
This is what it is. Analysis vs. description. No description please, all analysis. The trouble is, I can’t tell the difference. I can in other people’s writing, but not my own. I feel like I am being analytical and making an argument and putting my own thought in and then I get it back, and apparently I haven’t done what was required of me. I need I need I need MA friends to proof read for me, but I have very few. If any of you reading this would like to lend your proof reading abilities to me I would be grateful. It is an interesting topic, who doesn’t want to read about sex?!
So here it is, the final stretch. I have about two weeks left with this paper and then I am chucking it out. And all of my research along with it. I want no reminders of this degree from that point forward. I have cried and wrung my hands for too long. I have spent this afternoon jittery and nervous, crying over this bloody paper. I don’t know what these people want from me, but I can’t seem to provide it.